Mindfulness is not What You Think!
We frequently come across a concept these days everywhere, including in conversations with friends, at work, at home, in the mainstream press, in scientific research, and many other places. It’s called mindfulness. We might say that the rapidly increasing popularity of this concept has brought the same rapidly growing interpretations and misunderstandings. The comments and criticisms made in light of sketchy readings and hearsay have further fueled the confusion. There are even those who think of mindfulness as superficial hype. I believe it is time to dig deeper into the world of mindfulness. So, what does mindfulness really mean? More importantly, what does it not mean? Because mindfulness is not what you think it is.
The meaning of mindfulness is to remember, originally from the Pali word sati. Well, remember to what? Remember to wake up. Remember to be aware that we are in the present moment. Remember to realize where the mind is when our feet are where we physically are. It is being able to notice and pull aside the clouds that prevent us from seeing and feeling clearly. It allows the clarity to come out that has always been within ourselves. Therefore, mindfulness isn’t about adding anything new to us. It’s about not ignoring when negative (or positive) things happen around us or inside of us, but rather being able to see them more clearly, in other saying, as it is. Several scientific research already confirms that mindfulness reduces stress and makes us feel calmer and happier as it allows us to see the serenity and reality (beneath the clouds) that already exists within us. However, these outcomes are just a by-product of mindfulness. Mind you, things change when they are the only goal. As Former Buddhist monk Andy Puddicombe once said,
“The sun simply shines. It does not have any notion of achieving something.”
Seeing mindfulness as a tool to achieve something is like being angry at the sun for not blooming on rainy days. Because mindfulness is neither a tool to achieve anything nor a pill of joy or a self-help plan, nor it’s not a spell that will bring us instant happiness either. Contrary to popular belief, mindfulness has nothing to offer us in this context. It may not be the right motivation to start by thinking, "I should be happier, I should be less stressed, so I should do mindfulness exercises and be mindful.” Thinking this way is similar to the symptoms of wellness syndrome put forward by researchers Carl Cederström and André Spicer. This syndrome is about the risks of being excessively obsessed with one’s health and happiness, thinking that one must feel healthy and happy all the time, and suppressing and ignoring negative feelings and thoughts. All these efforts often backfire at the end of the day and lead to more stress and unhappiness. It’s like diving into the world of mindfulness with high expectations that we think we’ll soon achieve. Although constantly staying positive becomes a moral expectation, according to author Susan David, the main problem is not having negative feelings and thoughts. The real challenge is not to identify with them for our health. This is where mindfulness comes into play. It reminds us that negative feelings and thoughts can also exist and are entirely normal.
We can achieve the ability to normalize all the emotions and thoughts we experience by accepting them without judgment. This way, we begin to see inside of us and the reality of the world around us as it is. Unambiguous as it exists, without any judgments, assumptions, and labels, we unconsciously make. So, mindfulness isn’t about having an empty mind and not thinking about anything but noticing our thoughts, judgments, and emotions and looking at them more objectively. It reinforces observing, understanding, and naming what we are feeling at that moment instead of saying, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” when we’re unhappy, anxious, excited, sad, or angry. It means remembering that these feelings are normal and temporary, and everyone experiences them. Therefore, our fears, anxieties, or regrets do not disappear; instead, we begin to recognize and normalize these feelings by noticing them. In this way, we can control how we relate to those challenging feelings, not letting them take over us and ruin our present moment. Our emotions do not control us anymore as we start to regulate them. It’s just like a superpower!
Well, isn’t this acceptance a very passive approach; how is it going to be? The idea of acceptance lies in the core of mindfulness, is not mean that we must accept injustices and evils and not do anything, but to be aware and acknowledge that any event, whether in our control, can develop. In that sense, acceptance does not mean approval but recognition and acknowledgment. It means that when those events occur, we accept that it has already happened and let go of the resistance that gives us pain. In this way, acceptance allows us to see the events without judgment, with clarity, impartiality, and consciousness. That way, we can refrain from giving automatic and immediate reactions to those events brought by emotions and regret afterward. Rather, we can recognize, normalize, and accept those feelings and respond to that event more wisely and consciously. If necessary, this response may be to show our anger (or whatever emotion we are experiencing), take action to change the situation we do not want or any other response that we deliberatively choose. In short, mindfulness means being active (or reflective), not reactive (or reflexive), in the face of events.
Mindfulness means living in the present moment, not for the present moment. It’s about focusing on the current parts of the long-term plans and directing all our attention and efforts toward them instead of living without thinking about the future. It means not degrading the present moment into an ordinary tool to achieve our desired goal. It means to be even more productive by giving all our attention to the present. It does not mean to live for momentary pleasure but to be aware of every moment and know what we are doing. It doesn’t mean we should forget about the past and our memories and never think about them. It means we acknowledge that they will never change and stop identifying with them to experience the feeling of freedom that this thought brings. It means learning from past experiences and using them to make wiser decisions about what to do in the present. It means changing our relationship with our unpleasant past experiences and not allowing them to overshadow the present. It means realizing that “the past is only a memory that is remembered in the present, and the future will only be lived in the present when the time comes,” as the writer Eckhart Tolle has mentioned.
Understanding mindfulness is not just reading it or meditating for three days, three months, or three years and saying that “I became mindful.” It means integrating it into our lives consistently through some formal or informal practices. After all, we can sometimes be mindful and other times mindless. The essential thing is to gain the habit of gently returning to the present moment by noticing when our minds wander unconsciously. We can achieve this awareness with the help of formal or informal meditation practices that we may devote only ten minutes each day. In this way, we can take a step into the world of mindfulness and begin to live with an awareness of our emotions, thoughts, judgments, and behaviors. As an observer without judgment, we might look at our life from one step behind. We might approach ourselves and our life with curiosity, interest, and a beginner's mind, just like a baby does. While trying to live this way, we must remember that we are always on the road. In the end, isn’t life a process lived only in the present moment with the adornments of memories and future hopes? Think about it; what would the world be like if everyone could see their thinking and feelings and the entire world as they are? And try to take all their steps with consciousness and awareness. Now, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and ask yourself what you’re thinking or feeling right now.
